Clemson Football – Dangerous like a toothless tigress, pacy like a Fiat Punto with flat tyres, strong-willed and powerful like a stoned earthworm.

Best Press Conference – Klaus Augenthaler’s 42-second monologue. The Wolfsburg manager asked himself four short questions, answered curtly and then wandered off. A few weeks later, he got fired. Would be interesting to see almost anyone on the Clemson coaching staff do this…

Forward Planning – “We now have a team for the next two, three years” – Uli Hoeness, August 2006.
“It’s obvious that this team will be completely rebuilt” – Uli Hoeness, May 2007. What are the odds this is going to be said at the end of the season?

Most interesting explanation for crap performances – “We need more arseholes” – Mark van Bommel after Bayern’s 3-0 capitulation in Nürnberg. We need someone with balls…

Reason for most (un)expected performance – “We don’t come here shitting ourselves. I’ve had a look before” – Jürgen Klopp, Mainz manager, before his side’s 4-0 defeat in Munich. Unlike Mainz, Maryland seems to beat us…

Best Ambition – “We want to be champions, too. We just don’t know in which century” – Thomas von Heesen, Bielefeld manager. He resigned after seven games without a win in February. At least he resigned…

Best joke – “Total domination” – slogan on Schalke’s pre-season training shirts. Didn’t Clemson have something like that?

Most appropriate question – With Bayern 2-0 down at Schalke after 45 minutes, Felix Magath shouted at his players: “There is no effort and no tactical discipline.” Mark van Bommel shouted back: “Tactics? What tactics?” I really wonder if players have asked this question privately.

Most unlikely sound-bite from a German manager – “Tactics are something for bad players” – Felix Magath. Unlike Rob Spence, from whom this sound bite is actually rather likely…

What TDP should have said of TB – “When somebody thinks they should get Shevchenko money, they have to play like Shevchenko” – Bayern vice-president Karl-Heinz Rummenigge on turning down Pizarro’s demand of €4.2m salary after tax. too bad he didn’t

* Poor game planning and preparation.
* Poor execution of the game plan and adjustments.
* Mental errors are a sympton of a lack of discipline and intensity in practice.
* No consequence for the players who do not execute.
* Too much concern for the players egos/feelings.
* Not enough passion for winning.
* Lack of accountability from the leadership (coaches).
* Loyalty based on player stature, not performance.

The announcer on Sat mentioned that Spence was more concerned with “spreading the ball” among playmakers rather than calling the play that would generate the most production. If that was even a consideration, why would you admit it to the media? Maybe that’s why we are so darn predictive.

Hey, TB is a stand-up guy, but if I saw the list of issues above in my personal business, I would not hesitate to change leadership. I always thought the end game would be to promote TB to AD and give the reigns to Dabo. Unfortunately for TB, time has run out…